This Could Never Happen To Me

So I know, I am so bad about posting and I bet no one reads this, but I need to post for the memory. I was reading my email and saw the email from my Sister about her blog. I logged in to add her blog to my short cuts and then I got sucked in reading. I haven't been on for a long time. I read a post that I did back in June of 2009 "About A Boy" and thought I should share a recent trial. Sometimes I don't know what God is thinking, I wish I had more insight. I have had many insights to a little boy joining our family since the twins were four months. We finally made a BIG step and I removed my IUD on Dec 29, 2010. I had a cycle on the 31st and then never again. Everything seemed to fall right into place with my obedience to bring this little guy to Earth. My hours at work don't roll over, so it was perfect I could save all my hours for a whole ten months. I went to my first appointment and everything looked good. My Doctor told me he would get me a boy this time.

Well on March 17th, I worked a 12 hour shift and when I got home I was spotting. This is not normal for me. I knew some people spotted during pregnancy, so it probably wasn't anything, but I called the Doctor on call anyway. She told me to lay down and go to sleep early and to come in for an ultra sound in the morning. I was so worried. I remember praying all night, for peace and comfort and that everything would be okay. When I got up in the middle of the night to go potty, I wasn't bleeding any longer and I was relieved. I thought everything was going to be okay.

I went to work the next morning and called the Doctor to come in for an ultra sound. The nurse didn't seem to be concerned but I went in for peace of mind. When I got in I remember just looking at the screen and I knew. I couldn't see anything there. The ultra sound tech at that time told me, "I don't have good news for you" and I started to cry. She told me my ovaries look fine and that I had no embryo. I had gotten pregnant but no embryo ever grew from the fertilized egg. I was then taken into my Doctor office, his actual office, to wait for him to explain my options. I don't remember a lot that was said to me, all I knew was that I didn't have a baby. I opted for the D&C, as my doctor thought it was the best and my body probably wouldn't be able to pass it all. I was 11 weeks and 2 days. There was no way I was going to stay feeling pregnant for months while I bleed this thing out. I wanted it over with so I can get on with it and try again. I want my little boy, is all I thought.

I had my D&C on March 21. I thought that wasn't so bad. I only spotted after the surgery. I was having some pressure in my stomach and chest, a few days after surgery and it was making it hard to take a deep breath. On the 26th, Saturday, it seemed to be worse. I called the doctor on call and he told me to go to the ER, because I may have a blood clot in my lung. Well if you want to have no wait at the ER, tell them you are having problems breathing and you are in right away and have 5 people in your room, while you are still trying to get into a gown. I had an EKG, a GI cocktail (ya, my first cocktail), a CT and some ex rays and nothing seemed to show anything. The only thing they found was my liver enzymes were elevated really high. They sent me home. It gradually got better. I followed up with my primary doctor and everything seemed to be fine. The second I left the ER though I was bleeding heavy. When you haven't had a period in like six years and all sudden you have all this bleeding, wasn't fun.

Now I wonder, what is this for? I thought I was being obedient and bringing down the boy that has been waiting. I had to pay for a baby without the baby. I never thought this could happen to me. I am born in a family of breeders, we get pregnant easy and have babies like no other. I carried twins to 37 weeks, no problems and no bed rest. I had a 10 pound baby with no problems. All I know is that I don't believe in coincidences, everything is for a reason. I went to my post-op yesterday and everything checked out. I am starting to feel normal again. Maybe in a few months I will be with child again and everything will be normal.